Wake
by Hotwire
Summary: In a world that has been shattered by delusions of power and grandeur-- Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryu are finding that the most dificult fight of their lives . . . is getting along with one another


  
Neon Genesis Evangelion and all characters from therein are the   
property of Gainax. They are used without permission and we beg   
the kind and benevolent creators of the glorious show not to sue   
us. ^_^  
  
  
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Chain Lightning Studios Presents   
Evangelion: Wake   
By T. L. Webb   
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There was a burst of light, then silence.   
  
For a long time after that Shinji Ikari felt nothing. Then   
gradually, his senses returned. The first was the sound of the   
waves lapping at the sand that he now felt against his cheek. He   
could smell the salt water and taste the specks of sand against his   
lips. When he finally opened his eyes he saw crimson. After a   
moments shock he realized that his eyes weren't fooling him-- the   
water was really red. In the distance he could see the horrifying   
forms of the mass produced Evangelions standing out in the   
water, their arms spread as if crucified.   
  
As his vision focused further he could have sworn he saw Rei   
standing out on the surface of the red water, but as he blinked, the   
vision disappeared. Confused as to what he had just seen, he   
began to look around him.   
  
Suddenly he saw something beside him out of the corner of his   
eye. Turning to look, he received yet another shock.   
  
It was her.   
  
It began to come back to him in a rush. All the taunts, the   
insults, the mocking... the kiss... NO! Even that had been one of   
her little mindgames... one of her taunts. Why did it have to be   
her? Why now after everything he had gone through? Was this   
some perverse idea of a reward? Was it a joke? She hated him!   
She despised him!   
  
It was all just too much!   
  
Not even realizing what he was doing, he climbed onto her and   
placed his hands around her neck. His hysteria was just reaching   
its peak as he began to squeeze.   
  
'Why now after all this?' he thought in a cold rage, 'Why her?   
Why of all the people I knew did it have to be... w-what is she   
doing?'  
  
Her eyes had opened as he began to choke her-- and while she   
hadn't made a sound, she had reached up to him. But not to try to   
pry his hands away, not even to slap him. She had done   
something so totally unexpected that it cut him to the core.   
  
She had gently caressed his cheek.   
  
In his minds eye he could almost see the form of his mother as   
she had touched him the same way.   
  
NO! What was he doing?   
  
His hands fell away and it all became just too great for him to   
bear. The tears came, wracking his body with sobs of pain, grief   
and self-loathing.   
  
Underneath the crying boy, Asuka Langely Soyru ignored the   
tears falling on her face and looked down at her arm, which for   
some damned reason was wrapped in bandages. She looked from   
her arm to the young boy who was kneeling over her in a mixture   
of pity and disgust.   
  
"I think I'm gonna be sick." She said, mocking the crying boy.   
  
  
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'Why'd I say that to him? Was it just out of habit?' She thought   
about this for a moment before brushing off the idea. There were   
more important things to think about-- like what was on her face.   
She reached up and felt the bandage over her eye.   
  
'How the hell did these get here,' she thought in confusion 'and   
for that matter where the hell are we?'  
  
There was movement above her as Shinji finally climbed off   
of her. Apparently he was getting himself under control. His   
breathing was still erratic, but the tears had stopped. As he moved   
she was suddenly aware of a sharp ache in several places on her   
body. So _that's_ what the bandages were on her for. It seemed   
that she hadn't managed to shut down the nerve connections as   
fast as she thought she had when those spears had begun to hit   
her.   
  
Shinji looked down at her, and she saw confusion in his eyes.   
He kept looking at her arm and eye as if it were the most   
disturbing thing in the world… considering what had happened,   
she didn't really think it qualified as even being in the top ten.   
Then again who could understand what went through his head...   
probably something dirty.   
  
  
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'It can't just be a coincidence' he thought, 'not when Ayanami   
had the same injuries twice,' it was uncanny, and after... what had   
happened, Shinji had much less faith in the concept of coincidence.   
  
"Asuka? I-is that you?" he asked hesitantly while she painfully   
climbed to her feet. Was it really her? Well then again, it had to   
be her; no one else he knew could look that annoyed with him.   
  
"Of course its me, just how many gorgeous redheads do you   
know anyway?"  
  
It was her all right.   
  
He almost smiled.   
  
Then he remembered who it was. Why was she here anyway?   
  
"Where the hell are we Shinji?" she asked as she stood up and   
looked around.   
  
"I... I don't know, I only woke up a few moments ago."  
  
"Oh and the first thing you do is choke the shit out of me huh?   
Joy," she said-- rolling her eye again. He hated it when she used   
that tone.   
  
"I think we're close to where the Geofront used to be," he said   
standing as well and brushing the sand off his pants. Sure enough,   
he could see a shattered dark shape rising from the water in the   
distance. He recognized it as the black sphere that was once   
Nerv's base of operations. While he was looking around a glint of   
metal caught his eye.   
  
"Well I'm not going to stand here and look at those... things all   
night." She said gesturing out at the crucified Evas with a slight   
shudder. She started down the beach, then paused and looked   
back.   
  
"Well?" she asked in _that_ tone again.   
  
"Well what?"  
  
"Are you coming?" she said putting her undamaged hand on   
her hip.   
  
'The hell?' he though. 'Why does she want me to come with   
her? Last time we spoke she said...'  
  
"Why should I?" he asked as he looked at her suspiciously.   
  
This actually seemed to throw her. For a moment she looked...   
hurt. But then she shifted back to the Asuka he knew far too well.   
  
"Because I told you to stupid," She countered angrily.   
  
Why did she always have to do this? He really didn't hate her;   
it was just that when she got like this she was so... difficult. Every   
once in awhile they would actually have a decent moment   
together, but the she would turn it off like a light switch and start   
acting like this. He had put up with it for almost a year.   
  
Quite frankly he was tired of it.   
  
The object glinting in the moonlight over toward the shore   
caught his eye again, and he let out a little gasp as he recognized   
what it was.   
  
Ignoring Asuka-- who was less than happy about it, he walked   
up to the fence and took the cross-shaped medallion off the peg it   
was hanging on. Placing it around his neck, he closed his eyes in   
a moment of silence for Misato.   
  
This moment did not last long.   
  
"Did you go deaf? I said let's _go_ stupid!"  
  
"Stop it." He said-- the sharpness of his voice startling them   
both. Frowning, he turned to her holding the medallion up. "Do   
you have any idea what happened to us? Do you even care?   
Everyone is gone Asuka! Everyone we knew, everyone I knew,   
Misato, Touji, Kensuke, Hikari, everyone! Does any of this even   
bother you?"  
  
She was quiet for a long time as they looked at one another.   
He refused to take the bait and turn away, not this time. Several   
emotions flashed across her face, many of them he had never seen   
her express. Shame and embarrassment, while only residing there   
for a moment, were the ones that stood out the most to him.   
  
Finally she stalked up towards him, the much more familiar   
emotions of annoyance and anger flashing in her eyes. Knowing   
from bitter experience what was most likely coming, Shinji   
fought the urge to back down, deep inside he knew he was done   
with running.   
  
"How dare you." She growled at him as she got up in his face.   
  
"How dare I what?" he said-- his voice giving the appearance   
that he was much more calm than he really felt, "That I insinuate   
that you don't care about anyone but yourself?"  
  
Her blue eye flashing with anger she drew back to hit him.   
Unfortunately she chose to use her injured arm to do this. The   
bandaged limb swung forward and connected with the side of   
Shinji's face as he attempted to roll with the blow.   
  
This was not the best thing to do with an arm that was heavily   
injured.   
  
A gasp of pain escaped her lips and she fell forwards cradling   
her wounded limb. Shaking off the daze from the blow, Shinji   
barely managed to catch her. Gently lowering her to the ground,   
and being careful not to jar her arm, he found that she had passed   
out.   
  
"You never did know when to stop did you?" he said softly as   
he brushed a strand of hair off her face. He shook his head in   
wonder. "And I never could stay mad at you... God only knows   
why."  
  
  
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When Asuka woke up again she was momentarily confused.   
Shinji was gone and she was alone on the beach. Not too long ago   
this would have been more than fine, but right now it scared her.   
And fear was something she did _not_ like. Not that it was alien   
to her, she had known fear in the past-- it was just that since she   
was a child she had ignored it. She had fought it down and caged   
it where it could not interfere with her duties as an Eva pilot.   
When the fear had returned it had mostly been of failure.   
  
She didn't know why she was afraid now.   
  
She tried to tell herself she didn't care.   
  
It wasn't working.   
  
As she sat up, she found that she had been covered. Glancing   
down she saw that it was Shinji's white shirt. For a moment she   
smiled. It was a transformation that anyone, save Kaji, who might   
have known her before would have been hard pressed to believe.   
It seemed to spring from deep within her. A ghost of a smile   
drifted to her lips as her eyes softened.   
  
It was a look of gratitude.   
  
She had never been really sure just why Shinji annoyed her so   
much. When she had first seen him she had been less than   
impressed. He was a quiet, shy little boy who seemed to be most   
comfortable when the center of attention was well away from   
him. She had no problem with stealing that particular spotlight.   
Maybe that had been it. He always was so meek and obedient, just   
like the first child. At first it had been fun to tease him, but as the   
angels kept getting stronger, and as his synch ratio started to pass   
hers it had... changed. It had no longer been about kidding around.   
  
It had no longer been because it was fun. It had turned into a   
need-- a desire to bring him down that she'd quickly found that   
she had no control over.   
  
She didn't like to think about the way she had acted.   
  
Climbing to her feet she looked up and down the beach for   
signs of him. There was a short trail of footprints from where they   
had woken up leading to where she now stood. Written in the   
sand on a small dune were the words "gone to look for shelter"   
and leading away from the dune was another set of prints. Taking   
another glance at the shirt in her hand, she sighed.   
  
'Why can't he just hate me like everyone else?' she thought as   
she followed Shinji's footsteps down the beach, 'it would make   
everything so much simpler if he did.'  
  
  
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"I can't believe its still there," Shinji said aloud.   
  
He was looking up at the hill that had housed Misato's   
apartment.   
It had been built on the outskirts of the city, and he had never   
quite understood why. She was the operations director and tactical   
adviser for Nerv, yet she lived so far away from the Geofront   
itself. Granted there was an express lift not very far away, but it   
was still quite a trip to make if an Angel was attacking. Now he   
wondered if the shelter of the surrounding landscape had not been   
most of the reason.  
  
The last battles with the angels had taken their toll on Tokyo 3;   
the city had been in ruins long before the JSSDF had been sent in.   
and still Misato's apartment stood. The big black sphere that had   
turned out to be the Geofront itself had been unearthed, and still   
the apartment stood. Looking up at it from the beach, he wondered   
what happened to PenPen. Last he had heard Hikari was going to take   
him, but he admittedly hadn't been very interested in other peoples   
problems at the time.   
  
Then there had been the whole thing with Rei. He had decided   
that he didn't want to understand that mess. So many things his   
father had done disgusted him, but Rei was one he doubted he   
could ever forgive.   
  
"Why did you do it?" he asked aloud. "What were you   
expecting to get out of it all?"  
  
"Did you always talk to yourself, or is this new?" came an   
unexpected voice from behind.   
  
"Hello Auska," he said without turning.   
  
"Is that?" she started as she saw the apartment on the hill.   
  
"Yes."  
  
"Um... do you know if my stuff is still there?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"My stuff, did Misato throw it out after I left?"  
  
"Of course not, why would she do something like that?"  
  
"Well its not like I left on good terms with her."  
  
He turned to look at her; she was looking up at their old home   
wistfully. "I don't understand, I thought you just disappeared."  
  
"It wasn't exactly as clean cut as that."  
  
"I see." He said as he started up towards the apartment.   
  
  
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She did a double take as he walked off.   
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" she said under her breath.   
What was with him? He never acted like this! Well, at least he   
had stopped and was waiting for her. She wondered what was   
going on in that little head of his. Something big had obviously   
happened to him.   
  
"Hey wait up damnit!" she yelled as she followed him up the   
hill.   
  
As they cleared a ridge he looked back and saw something that   
made his eyes soften. As he looked away quickly and hurried on   
past some debris Asuka looked to see what it had been. She   
immediately wished she hadn't.   
  
"Mein Gott!" she screamed.   
  
It was Rei.   
  
Or rather it looked like her, only it was just part of her head   
and it was the size of a small mountain. It was a horrifying sight   
to say the least. She looked back up as Shinji, then at the giant   
Rei that she now saw was slowly dissolving to nothing.   
Something had happened and she wanted to know what.   
  
The apartment was not quite as intact as it had looked. Debris   
from Lilith's ascension and the JSSDF attack had damaged the   
building and there were several holes in the ceiling, but he was   
sure he could patch those given time and tools. He had done   
similar work at his Uncle's after a hailstorm. He opened the door   
for Asuka and they went inside. The power was gone, but there   
was enough light from the windows that they could see. Save for   
a few broken dishes and one shattered window, the place was   
surprisingly clean, but that was not the biggest surprise. As Asuka   
went into the kitchen she found that the several dozen bottles of   
alcohol that normally lined the sink were missing.   
  
"Shinji... did Misato quit drinking while I was gone?" She   
asked.   
  
"I don't know, I was pretty out of it near the end."  
  
"The end of what? What happened Shinji, I don't understand   
this!   
Where is everyone?"  
  
"They returned to Lilith." He said sadly.   
  
"Who?"  
  
"It's a long story, I don't really understand much myself, and I   
was there. I haven't had much of a chance to sort things out."  
  
"Well I'm beat, you can tell me tomorrow."  
  
With that Asuka headed to her room. A few moments later,   
Shinji was about to do the same when he found Asuka staring into   
her room from the hall with a slightly disturbed look on her face.   
  
"Asuka? What is it?"  
  
"W-what did I do in here?" she asked in a small voice.   
  
Walking up next to her, he saw that her room was a wreck. He   
vaguely recalled Misato telling Ritsuko that she was going to   
leave Asuka's room as she had left it, but he hadn't know that it   
had been left in such bad shape.   
  
"I think most of it happened after I got out of Unit 01," He said   
remembering that she had been much more prone to throwing fits   
after he returned. They had mostly avoided one another after that.   
  
"Why did I do this Shinji? I know I was angry but... my stuff!"   
  
"I don't know Asuka, I never pretended to understand you very   
much," He said with a shrug. This drew an annoyed look from the   
redhead. Deciding he didn't feel like another fight, he made a   
quick suggestion.   
  
"Why don't you sleep in Misato's room, and I'll help you clean   
this up later."  
  
The idea seemed to bother her slightly, but she agreed. She   
was exhausted.   
  
Stepping into Misato's room Asuka felt a bit strange. She had   
been angry with a lot of people before she had run away, but she   
had saved a special piece of hatred for Misato. Mostly she didn't   
know what to make of her whole relationship with Kaji, when   
they had seen each other on the 'over the rainbow' she had seemed   
to hate him. That had been fine, Asuka wanted Kaji's attention all   
to herself.   
  
But then it had become painfully obvious that Kaji intended to   
pursue Misato. One thing after another had piled up; failure after   
failure had struck her. Those last weeks before her coma were   
little more than a blur to her now, and she was thankful for that in   
a way.   
  
Looking around she saw that the answering machine had been   
removed from the phone, and was sitting on Misato's desk.   
Curious as to what it was doing there Auska walked up and saw   
an empty package of batteries, and that the message light was   
blinking. Intrigued, she reached over and pressed play.   
  
To her shock Kaji's voice came drifting from the speakers.   
  
"Katsuragi, it's me. I'm sure you're listening to this message,   
after I've caused you so much trouble. Sorry. Please tell Ritsu   
"I'm sorry." too. And there's one more thing to trouble you with:   
I've been growing... flowers. I'd appreciate it if you could water   
them. Shinji knows where they are. Katsuragi, the truth is with   
you. Don't hesitate. Move ahead! If I can see you again, I will say   
the words that I could not say eight years ago. Bye."  
  
  
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From his room, Shinji heard the sobs. Worried that Asuka   
might be in trouble, he jumped to his feet and hurried to Misato's   
room. The door was open and when he stepped in to the darkened   
room he saw Asuka sitting on the floor, her knees drawn up and   
held by her free hand. She was shaking; he hadn't been hearing   
things.   
  
"Asuka?" he said from the doorway.   
  
She looked up at him, and he was a bit surprised not to see   
any tears. Taking a deep breath, he walked in and sat down beside   
her on the floor. She watched him do this with a touch of   
confusion. He faced her and sat a moment trying to phrase what   
he wanted to say correctly.   
  
"If this is something you don't want to, or can't talk about then   
that's fine," he said, breaking the silence, "but if... _when_ you do   
want to; I'm right here, and I'll listen."  
  
  
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As he spoke to her, she found a sharp remark on the tip of her   
tongue. It had always been her first instinct to any suggestion that   
she might need help, or that she couldn't handle something on her   
own. She still didn't think that she needed anyone else, that she   
didn't need help, or assistance. Even days ago she would have   
yelled that she didn't need him anywhere near her, but as she bit   
down the rude remark that was set to fly at Shinji, she discovered   
something.   
  
She _wanted_ him close by.   
  
  
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She hadn't yelled at him yet... that was a good sign. The last   
time they had spoke was just before she had run away, and it had   
not been pleasant for him. He had just started to recover from his   
month long imprisonment in Unit 01 and had not been very   
together at the time. The fact that he had been refused the   
opportunity to help when she was attacked had not helped any. He   
had been worried about her, but had not known what to do. He   
knew so little about her; he wouldn't even have begun to know   
where to look. They had found her seven days later, and it hadn't   
been pretty. He had seen her in the infirmary a few weeks later...   
she had recovered, but not by much. And she still hadn't woken   
up.   
  
'Hers was the beauty of blades in an alley,' he thought,   
remembering a random quote that Kensuke had once pulled from   
somewhere to describe her. A small smile crossed his face as he   
remembered his friends. They had taken an immediate dislike to   
Asuka almost from the moment they had met her, Touji in   
particular. They had more often than not referred to her as "the   
demon", and it wasn't as if Asuka hadn't given them reason. Of   
all his classmates, only Hikari had really been friendly with her.   
  
She had seemed to like it that way.   
  
He didn't know what it was about Asuka that made her so   
hostile to everyone, he had never been able to work up the   
courage to ask, he didn't think now was the time to do so either.   
She still hadn't said anything, so he decided to break the silence   
again.   
  
"You know... it just occurred to me; I never did get much out   
of it when I did that," This had the intended effect of startling her   
out of herself.   
  
"W-what?" she asked, still startled by his words.   
  
"You saw me do almost the same thing a lot, I would put on   
my headphones and crawl up into myself trying to block   
everything out. Shutting off the world. I'll admit it felt good to   
get away from everything like that, but when I came out of it the   
things that had hurt me were still there, and usually had gotten   
worse because instead of actually dealing with them I had ignored   
them."  
  
"Why did you keep doing it?"  
  
"Well with some of it there was nothing I could have ever   
done about it, so in those cases I guess it helped me deal with it,   
but there were a few times that I really feel disgusted that I did   
nothing when I could have made a real difference."  
  
He was quiet after that and Asuka thought about what he had   
said.   
  
"Kaji left a message for Misato before he died," She said   
finally.   
  
Shinji's eyes widened. He had heard the message in part the   
night   
Misato had first played it, but he hadn't been able to do anything   
to comfort her. It had been another thing he was ashamed of.   
  
He had dimly suspected that Kaji might have died, but he   
hadn't known that Asuka had found out. Considering her...   
affection for Kaji, her collapse so soon after his death put things   
in better perspective. But the important thing now was that she   
was actually talking to him, opening up for the first time. If he   
were to do any good here it would have to be before she closed   
him off again.   
  
"I'm sorry, it must have been hard to listen to it like this."  
  
"It doesn't hurt as bad as I thought it would when I first heard   
his voice. I knew he loved Misato, I just..." a tear began to build   
at the corner of her eye, but she was obviously fighting it back.   
  
"You miss him," he said looking down at the medallion around   
his neck, "Listen, a lot happened and I don't think its possible to   
work it all out in one week, let alone one night. Why don't we get   
some sleep."  
  
"Okay," She said, the weariness evident in her voice.   
  
He slept in the living room that night.   
  
  
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'Oh not again,' he thought with a groan.   
  
It had been two days and she was yelling at him again. This   
time it was something about the broken water pumps. She had   
started with the complaining the day before and he had decided   
the best way to deal with it was to just ride it out.   
  
"Will you at least look at me when I talk to you?"  
  
He had been trying to get some work done; it was a nice day   
and perfect to be out and about. At least it had been until she had   
switched back to the old Asuka, and had started driving him up   
the wall. Trying to ignore her long enough to get the roof patched   
didn't seem to be an option anymore. Unfortunately ignoring   
Asuka did not make her go away, if anything it just pissed her off   
even more.   
  
"Say something already!" she shouted at him, "anything!"  
  
Finally he had enough of it.   
  
"What?" he spat-- tuning and looking at her with calmness that   
she was still unused to from him. "Why are you suddenly so eager   
to hear my voice? So you can tell me to shut up and remind me   
how much I disgust you?"  
  
"Are you still hung up over that?" she asked, surprised, "I   
only said that because just after you finally showed some spine   
for the first time in your life you started crying like a baby."  
  
"Am I not allowed to feel ashamed for choking you? Or sad at   
loosing everyone I knew and getting stuck alone with someone   
who hates me?"  
  
She paused at this. "If you felt so bad about it why did you do   
it in the first place? And who ever said I hated you?"  
  
Shinji sat down on the edge of the platform he was standing on   
and looked at her in frustration. He knew that Asuka had a lot of   
nerve, but this was a bit much.   
  
"You said you hated me the last time we spoke before Third   
Impact," He told her coolly, "As for the rest, it might have been   
because ever since I met you, you have done nothing but insult   
me, put me down, all for no reason I might add. And to top it all   
off, the one time I desperately needed your help you refused me   
and turned your back."  
  
" . . . "  
  
"Look I got to get these boards in place, if it rains we're gonna   
get soaked," He turned back and continued working.   
  
"I... I'm sorry."  
  
His head jerked up and he slowly turned around. Asuka was   
still there but her head was bowed, her eye hidden by her hair.   
  
"What?" he asked. This was not something he had heard often,   
especially from Asuka. He was a little unsure weather to trust his   
ears.   
  
"What do you want?" she said suddenly becoming angry, "Me   
to sing it from the damn roof? I'm sorry already."  
  
Shinji was quiet for several moments, then climbed down,   
"Asuka..."  
  
"Are you happy now? I've degraded myself before the high   
and mighty Shinji Ikari."  
  
"_Stop_ that!"  
  
"Why?" she yelled back, challenging him to contradict her.   
  
"Because I'm _tired_ of it, I'm tired of listening to the same   
thing over and over! You're like some kind of broken record when   
you get like this," He sat down and leaned against the side of the   
building, "Ever since I met you all you've done is mock me. If it   
wasn't about me moping around and feeling sorry for myself--   
which admittedly I disserved-- you were screaming about how I   
was 'showing you up' when I actually did _something_ right. I'm   
tired of it ok? Just what do you want from me?"  
  
  
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This finally cut through. She stopped and her face went blank   
as she realized she didn't know the answer.   
  
What do I want from him?   
  
Why am I even talking to him?   
  
Why does he care?   
  
Why do I care? ... Wait... that was the question, wasn't it?   
  
What about him made it so important that she prove herself to   
him?   
  
Had it just been because Ayanami had been interested?   
  
No. There was a lot more to it than that.   
  
In her minds eye she could clearly see the red haze of the   
volcano where she had battled the eighth Angel. She had known   
at that moment she would die. It in away had been a comfort, a   
chance to finally rest. Then there had been a sudden shock.   
  
It had been him.   
  
He had leapt Unit 01 into a live volcano with no armor and   
only a badly damaged cable between him and oblivion. He had   
risked his life for hers... against orders no less. That had been the   
first time she had looked at him as anything other than a wimpy   
little boy.   
  
It hadn't lasted however; Shinji had a tendency to back away   
from problems that drove her up the wall. Particularly after she   
had seen him at his best. The meek little kid that she had shared   
Misato's apartment with for so long didn't hardly seem the same   
as the one who had fought the fourteenth angel to a standstill   
before loosing power.   
  
'Is that why I get so angry with him? Is that why he drives me   
so crazy?' she thought. 'I never could understand it. He's like a   
frightened kitten most of the time, but he took down two angels   
single-handedly and several more even after he got help. It just   
doesn't make sense.'  
  
She looked at him now, and she wondered what had changed   
in him after the third impact. There was something at the corner   
of his eyes, something almost frightening. It reminded her a bit of   
the few times she had met Commander Ikari.   
  
Now there was a disturbing thought.   
  
But in front of that was still the same Shinji. And she had to   
admit, for all of her teasing he wasn't the worst example of the   
male species.   
  
He could be incredibly brave...   
  
But he could also be a pathetic coward   
  
She still didn't know why he acted the way he did. Perhaps it   
was time to find out   
  
"Why didn't you get any training before the first fight?" she   
asked, completely confusing Shinji who was still waiting on an   
answer to his question.   
  
"W-what?"  
  
Realizing she had changed subjects on him, she thought for a   
second before continuing.   
  
"I need to know some stuff before I can answer that. Now   
spill. Why did they send you out with no training against the third   
angel?"  
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
Shinji's eyes narrowed a bit as he thought back to his arrival in   
Tokyo3. His father standing above the cage looking down at him.   
His own fear and shame that he would still be useless to the man.   
The man... was he even that? How could he have done the things   
he had done and still honestly believe that Mother would want   
him back? With a small growl Shinji tried to answer Asuka's   
question.   
  
"I received no training because my father cast me aside as a   
useless tool and ignored me for years, until he found that he still   
needed me," He spat the words out with such venom that he   
succeeded in not only startling Asuka, but frightening himself as   
well.   
  
With difficulty he continued.   
  
"My 'father' decided that Rei would be a more suitable choice   
and left me with my uncle. He... I suppose you could use the term   
'raised' her to be the pilot of Unit 01, but she was hurt during the   
activation of the prototype. So he sent for me."  
  
Asuka was a bit shocked. She had known that the other two   
pilots were weird, but she'd had no idea that the Commander had   
actually been the reason they were so screwed up.   
  
'Like you should talk Langley,' she heard her inner self say.   
  
"Wait... he... he raised the first child?"  
  
"I don't think the word applies, but yeah. You never did see   
her apartment did you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Picture Misato's room the day before we did all the cleaning.   
Then take away all the furniture, posters, flowers and other   
decorations."  
  
"If it were anyone else we were talking about that would sound   
insane."  
  
"It is insane. It only gets worse too," The darkness in his eyes   
was growing-- and Asuka wanted to tell him to stop and shut up,   
be she was too dumfounded by what she had learned so far to   
speak.   
  
"The sick part is that seems Rei was a clone. Not a clone of   
just anyone; they must have used what was left of my mother   
after her accident for the base. I suppose they figured she would   
have a better chance of synchronizing with Unit 01 that way."  
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
Asuka's eyes grew wider as he spoke. Not just because of the   
revelations, Shinji's voice was growing more manic as he   
continued.   
  
"Ritsuko must have known all about this, I imagine that's why   
she was so amused when Misato thought I had a crush on her.   
Plus she was in love with 'father' and I guess she couldn't stand   
the idea of Rei being competition for ... God I don't even want to   
imagine that! Why did he do that to her? Why did he let her grow   
up like some worthless puppet? She deserved better! She wasn't a   
doll, she was never a doll! She was a GOD DAMN HUMAN   
BEING!"  
  
Shinji turned and threw a wild punch at a nearby window,   
succeeding in cracking the thick glass and slicing his knuckles.   
Dropping to the ground and cradling his bleeding hand; he was   
still shaking in rage when Asuka tentatively reached out and   
placed a hand on his shoulder.   
  
'I... I didn't know!' Asuka thought as she led him back inside,   
'Oh Gott... how could I have known?' It was only a few seconds   
before the unwanted answer came to her.   
  
'I could have asked... I _should_ have asked.'   
  
As he wrapped his hand in a damp cloth, Asuka watched on in   
silence. "Shinji... I didn't know," She said softly.   
  
"I didn't know most of it myself until after you disappeared.   
Some of it I didn't piece together until just before the end. All I   
knew before that was that I despised my father for what he had   
done to all of us. I think the part about Rei makes me so angry   
because it makes me wish he hadn't left me... because I would   
rather her have had a chance to live like an actual person than to   
grow up under him the way he planned. He let her live in that run   
down dirty hovel. He let her grow up alone without friends. He   
made her the way she was. I can forgive a lot Asuka, but not that.   
Not that. He wasted her life."  
  
"You said that she was a..."  
  
"Clone. Like in the sci-fi movies Kensuke always brought   
over. I suspected that... something was strange near the end of it   
all. Mostly because of things she said and things she did. Things   
that that brought out the few memories that I have of mother.   
Then after the sixteenth angel with everything Ritsuko told us...   
look I'm not saying I understand this whole mess, but what I saw   
and heard disgusted me. I will never forgive him."  
  
Asuka could see the darkness growing again. She quickly   
decided another subject change was in order.   
  
"Was Misato right?" she asked playfully.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Did you have a crush on Rei?"  
  
He quickly blushed, and the darkness receded... This was a   
good sign.   
  
"I think so, at least in the beginning. It still weirds me out now   
after all the things I found out."  
  
"I remember. I tried to tease you about it once."  
  
"Oh yeah...'secret meetings' wasn't that how you tried to put   
it?"  
  
"I think so, its kind of hard to remember all the cheep shots I   
take at people."  
  
"At least your honest about it... Its still not nice."  
  
"Humph. You wanted to know what I want from you Shinji? I   
wanted you to stop cowering and show some of that spine that   
peeks out every once in awhile. That's why I teased you so much.   
I want to see the Pilot who leaped into a blazing volcano to save   
his teammate, not the cowering little wimp who apologizes to   
everything I say."  
  
"Then you don't know me."   
  
"Huh?"  
  
"The Shinji Ikari that leaped into the lava is the same Shinji   
Ikari who you hate."  
  
"Gah! This again? I don't hate you."  
  
"You say that, but you act like you do so often I have a hard   
time accepting it. But to expound, I jumped into the lava to keep   
you from getting hurt. I hated piloting because all I seemed to do   
when I got in to that thing was cause people to get hurt. Did I ever   
tell you about Touji's sister? She was hurt in my first fight. She   
was hurt because I was too afraid to try and properly pilot the   
thing."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about? You didn't even have a   
crash course! It took me and Rei months and months to even get   
our synch rates high enough to move a hand, much less walk!"  
  
"It was still my responsibility, and I tried to run from it."  
  
"You're right, I don't know you." Asuka said shaking her head,   
"One moment I think I understand you-- then you throw   
something like this out at me. No wonder you didn't know why   
you piloted. Your dad screwed you up bigtime."  
  
Shinji nodded.   
  
"Yes," he said simply.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
"Ok, you're clear, keep it steady... now!"  
  
The large tank slid out of the truckbed and down into the ditch   
with a thud. When the dust settled Asuka and Shinji walked up   
and began checking for cracks in the metal. The idea had been a   
simple one.   
  
They needed fresh water.   
  
Lots of it.   
  
Preferably running.   
  
There wasn't a stream anywhere near enough for their   
purposes, so   
Shinji had done some reading and had come up with this. Misato's   
apartment had been on a slope, but hadn't been at the top. They   
had taken a large water tank from a storage yard a few miles   
away. With an old pickup truck, a little creative welding and   
enough rope to hog-tie Unit 01 they had managed to haul it up to   
the top of the building. All they had to do now was fill it and run   
a pipe to the apartment and they would have running water.   
  
Now they just had to figure out how to heat it and they would   
be in much better shape. Not that they hadn't figured out how to   
have a hot shower every once in awhile, All that took was a   
campfire, a hose with a showerhead on the end and some boiled   
water.   
  
And Shinji's solemn promise not to peek.   
  
Of course, this was not nearly as easy as it sounded. Until   
Asuka's arm was fully healed she was somewhat limited in her   
movements, and this led to the problem with washing her hair. It   
was about a week and a half before she managed to work up the   
nerve to ask him.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
"You want me to _what_?" Shinji asked with honest surprise.   
  
"Oh come on, its not like I'm asking you to climb into the tub   
and scrub my back, I just need you to help me shampoo my hair. I   
can't do it right with my arm like this."   
  
Still a little nervous, and confused, he agreed to help. Fifteen   
minutes later on the patio she stepped out in her bathing suit and   
sat down in the chair he had set up. Her eye was healing quickly   
and she had opted for using a pair of sunshades with a pad in the   
eye instead of the bandage, but her arm was still tightly wrapped   
in the cast. Other than the bandages she was still as breathtaking   
as she had been the day he had met her.   
  
Trying as best as he was able not to stare at her, he sat down in   
the other chair and picked up the first bucket to wet down her   
hair.   
  
"Okay, Third Child-- first step is the blue bottle. Don't use too   
much, its not like I can fly to Germany and pick up more."   
  
He took a moment and removed the contents of the bag she   
had brought out. There were several bottles of hair care products.   
After pouring the first bucket of and selecting the blue bottle as   
instructed, he squeezed a small amount into his hand and rubbed   
it into both palms before beginning on her hair. As he scrubbed   
the suds into her hair and scalp he thought again how beautiful   
she was. There was no real doubt about it; the only thing that   
really dimmed any attraction he had felt in the past was her   
attitude.   
  
Calling her a brat was an understatement, and closer to the   
end it had gotten worse. The few times he had found himself   
thinking of her in a romantic light had been short lived. The first   
had been the night before they fought the seventh angel when she   
had been sleepwalking and... had that been an accident? She had   
seemed oblivious the next morning. Despite the fact she had spent   
half the night on his bedroll. Her only comment had been to kick   
him awake from his spot on the floor several feet away and tell   
him to get up.   
  
He had wondered for a long time if she had been really   
sleepwalking that night.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
'I wonder what he's thinking about,' Asuka thought with a   
slight grin, 'Given the angle, probably my cleavage.' She let out a   
small giggle at the idea. The truth was that poor Shinji was   
probably trying as hard as he could not to look at her cleavage.   
The same had been true that day at the pool when she had made   
her first effort to flirt with him. As he rinsed the second bottle's   
contents out of her hair and started on the third, she thought back   
to the night she had teased him into kissing her. She had been   
thinking about Kaji and kissing him when it occurred to her that   
she had never actually kissed anyone.   
  
Realizing that she might need practice at something like that,   
she had immediately elected Shinji as her test subject. In   
hindsight it might not have been the best idea in the world to   
clamp his nose closed, but it was her first time after all, and she'd   
had no idea that it would have lasted as long as it did. It would   
have lasted much longer if she hadn't realized she was enjoying   
it.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
"Hey Asuka?" Shinji asked suddenly.   
  
He was one more rinse away from being done and Asuka was   
sitting back with an almost sensual smile on her face-- caught up   
in the pleasure of having someone else pamper her. In truth they   
were both enjoying the contact more than they would willingly   
admit. Her eyebrows raised from behind her shades and she made   
a small sound indicating her attention.   
  
"Honest truth. Were you really sleepwalking that night before   
we fought the seventh angel?"  
  
A wry grin crossed her lips. "Why? Wondering if I saw you   
doing something naughty while you thought I was asleep?" she   
asked while suppressing a laugh.   
  
She had expected several possible responses, blushing,   
changing the subject, stammering, but not the one she got.   
  
The dark cloud that had overtaken Shinji's face a few times in   
the past few days returned stronger than ever. He rinsed the soap   
from her hair and rushed through the last stage like a machine.   
When he was done stood and handed her a towel before almost   
storming back inside.   
  
Sitting up quickly and wrapping her wet hair in the towel, she   
hurried after him. What had she said? If it were merely   
embarrassing him she could understand, but this was something   
different. She was familiar with his responses to her teasing, and   
this wasn't the same. She found him on the balcony next door. He   
was leaning against the rail with his head buried in his arms. He   
looked like he was crying.   
  
"Shinji?"  
  
"Get away from me... I'm a monster," He said quietly, his   
voice filled with a shame that seemed to hurt him physically.  
  
"W-what are you talking about?"  
  
"I'm disgusting, I shouldn't be near you."  
  
"Shinji? Talk to me here, what's wrong?"  
  
"If I tell you you'll hate me."  
  
"We've been through this, I don't hate you."  
  
"You will. Anyone would. I do."  
  
"Shinji what could you have done that could be so awful that it   
hurts to even _think_ about it?"  
  
Shinji was quiet for a long time before he finally spoke up.   
When he began to speak his voice was so filled with shame that it   
shocked her almost as much as what he had to say. He started   
with Kaworu, the confusion that resulted, the pain that had   
followed the death of one of the only people who had ever openly   
admitted they cared for him. The desperation that he had felt with   
everyone he knew gone. As he told of his visit to her room her   
eyes widened in slight fear that he had done something to her   
while she slept. Then they narrowed in disgust as she heard what   
he had actually done, then a blank expression fell across her face   
as he tried to explain the hollowness that had followed his attempt   
to give some measure of pleasure to himself.   
  
"I still don't know why I did it Asuka, it gained me nothing, it   
revolts me even now. I'm no better than a rapist. I'm scum. Even   
then I was disgusted," He looked up and saw her staring at him   
blankly. Hanging his head he continued, "I told you that you   
would hate me. You were right all along, I am a pervert. I'll move   
my things here. I shouldn't be allowed near you."  
  
He stood and began to walk away   
  
"Hold it."  
  
Halfway into the door, Shinji stopped. His head still lowered   
in shame, he turned back, expecting to be hit or worse any   
second. He was prepared for any punishment she deemed   
necessary.   
  
What he didn't expect was that she was not furious. Not to say   
she didn't look angry, but she looked more... annoyed than   
anything. Her voice was tense nonetheless.  
  
"Listen up, stupid, because I'm only going to say this once,"   
She told him. "I do not, I repeat, NOT hate you. It's not as easy to   
say that at the moment, but I want you to get that through your   
thick little skull before I tell you the rest of this. Most every guy I   
ever met, yes even Kaji, has been little more than a perverted jerk.   
I am disappointed in you, but not as angry I could be. You better   
thank whoever it is you Japanese worship that all you did was   
spank off that day. Otherwise I might have thrown you off this   
ledge."  
  
She let out a sharp breath and seemed to calm down slightly.   
Walking up to him she looked him up and down then nodded.   
  
"One more thing and then I don't want you to ever mention   
this again."  
  
He was still feeling the slap three hours later.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
The next day started better, both Asuka and Shinji felt as if   
they'd gotten something important sorted out. But, as it wore on,   
their interaction together steadily grew worse.   
  
They had taken the truck down to the far side of the bay to   
pick up some rice and other foodstuffs from one of the surviving   
stores in the area. With so many roads in such bad shape, the   
pickup was one of the few vehicles they'd found that could   
navigate the terrain with any amount of safety.  
  
The drive was slow; they had to stop several times so that they   
could move stalled vehicles off the road. When they arrived,   
Shinji jumped out and hurried over to open her door.   
  
She was daydreaming when she slipped on the rail and fell   
down on him. Her sunglasses and the pad that had rested over her   
eye went sailing and she clamped her eyes shut to try and protect   
them from the imminent impact and bright sun. To her surprise   
however, instead of folding under her weight, he managed to get   
his feet positioned fast enough to actually catch her.   
  
"Let me go!" she shouted as she tried to climb off of him,   
succeeding only in sending both of them to the ground. He got to   
his feet and stood there awkwardly as she looked around for her   
glasses. Finding them quickly she returned them to her face and   
tried to get to her feet.   
  
It didn't quite work as she planned. The side of the truck   
offered no handhold and she was still far too sore to climb up   
without one. Shinji saw this quickly and reached down to help her   
to her feet.   
  
Her response was a bitter stream of German curse words and a   
glare that could possibly have melted steel. She slapped his hand   
away with her uninjured one.   
  
"I don't need your damn help third child, back off."  
  
Had she been paying attention she might have saved them both   
half a day of trouble, but true to form Asuka missed Shinji's   
reaction to this.   
  
Until he picked her up that was.   
  
"What the hell are you doing!" she yelled as he reached down   
and picked her up with no consideration of hand placement, or   
gentleness.   
  
"Shinji Ikari, you put me down this minute!" she continued   
screaming as she began trying to hit him and kicking her feet   
around.   
He completely ignored her as he walked into the store. She was so   
intent on wriggling free that she failed to notice the several   
scratches she was leaving on his arms and face.   
  
"If you don't put me down right now I'm going to--" she never   
got a chance to finish as Shinji picked that moment to dump her   
unceremoniously on one of the waist-high checkout counters.   
Ignoring the fact that the counter offered her a perfect position to   
get to her feet without further risk of falling; she quickly sat up,   
slid off and stormed off after him; fully intending to beat the hell   
out of him.   
  
It was not a large store and it only took a few seconds to find   
him standing in front of the medical supplies and opening a   
package of bandages. As she stomped up to him he looked up and   
she saw the scratches on his face.   
  
It threw her.   
  
She tried to forget it and chew him out as intended but he just   
stood there looking at her. Not flinching, not cowering back,   
apparently not even afraid. He looked her right in the eye and   
didn't even blink.   
  
To say the least she was not used to this from him.   
  
For what might have been the first time she blinked first. As   
she turned away, he finished opening the package and began   
putting them on his bleeding cuts.   
  
Cursing herself silently she finally got her nerve back up.   
  
"What the hell was that about?" she demanded.   
  
"If you don't take it easy your wounds won't heal. That means   
you have to stop pushing yourself like that."  
  
"I don't need your damn help Shinji."   
  
"Yes you do. Whatever damage those lances did to your Eva   
translated to a physical effect on you. Your ribs are still bruised,   
your arm has been hurt three times since we woke up, and we still   
don't know how badly you're hurt internally other than it doesn't   
seem to slow you down much. But if you keep trying to act like   
nothing is wrong you're going to end up in a wheelchair, and I'm   
damn sure you wouldn't like that. So for the time being you are   
just going have to deal with my help."   
  
With that he applied the last of the bandages and walked down   
the row toward the canned goods. Behind him Asuka again began   
angrily cursing in German.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
The trip back to the apartment was made in silence. Asuka had   
finally accepted that Shinji was right about her condition, but she   
didn't have to like it.   
  
Shinji on the other hand had resigned himself to the fact that   
he and Asuka were going to be at best friendly enemies for the   
rest of their time together. He wasn't sure how long that would be;   
his time with her before third impact had conditioned him to   
mostly ignore her insults and taunts. If she didn't like him he   
could live with that, but he would stay at least long enough to see   
her through her injuries. If she didn't want him around then there   
was nothing he could do.   
  
His feelings toward her were complicated. He did care for   
her... he couldn't deny that. She was breathtakingly beautiful, she   
had a confidence and determination he envied, and she seemed to   
know no fear save that of failure. But then there was her attitude...   
  
'How many times am I going to go over this in my head before   
I admit I'm falling in love with her despite the fact that she   
doesn't feel the same?' he thought to himself as he pulled in the   
apartment's driveway. 'Even when she hurts me... even when she   
calls me names and taunts me...' he let out a small chuckle as he   
shook his head.   
  
'Am I screwed up or what?'  
  
However, as he helped Asuka out of the truck a few minutes   
later, he was surprised to hear her mutter a 'thank you' under her   
breath before walking off to her room.   
  
"Well... damn," He said once she was out of earshot.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
"Is this really going to work?" Asuka asked hesitantly from her   
place at the wheel.   
  
"I think it should," Shinji replied as he loaded another   
speargun. "All I can think that might go wrong is the splash might   
capsize us, but that's why we're wearing the life jackets."  
  
They had both gotten more than tired of the giant Mass   
Produced Evas that stood out in the bay that had once been   
Tokyo3. So they had come up with a way to get rid of them. It   
wasn't the best plan Asuka had ever heard, but she didn't see any   
reason it wouldn't work.   
  
They had taken a tugboat, several spearguns, and some very,   
very strong wire. The plan was to pull the Evas over and then   
drag them off to another part of the bay. This would at least get   
them out of sight. To that end they were almost ready to haul over   
the first of the three in the bay.   
  
"I think you got enough of those ropes ready, should I start the   
wench on the anchor?"  
  
"Yeah, but don't gun the engine right away. Start slow and lets   
see if I messed up any of these knots before we start pulling."  
  
She looked back at him on the deck and sighed. He was being   
the old Shinji again and it was pissing her off.   
  
"You checked them four times and they were fine then. Just   
get up there and man the knife!"  
  
She yelled back at him. The knife in question was a short   
sword they had found in an abandoned house nearby. The idea   
was to cut the wires and run if the Eva started to tilt the wrong   
way. To facilitate this all the ropes were linked to one master knot   
that they had found in an old sailor's handbook when they were   
learning how to operate the tug.   
  
"Ok, let me get into position and we're all set!" he shouted   
from outside the cab of the boat.   
  
"Ready when you are!" she yelled back as she checked the   
engine displays.   
  
As he yelled to go she slammed the accelerator forward and   
the powerful little boat shot ahead. There was a creak from the   
frame and a sudden lurch when the ropes caught, but moments   
later she could feel the slack give way and she let out a shout of   
triumph. This was cut short by a sound she had only heard once   
or twice before.   
  
Shinji was cursing   
  
She heard a loud twanging sound and saw the ropes give way   
in the mirror just moments before Shinji ducked in and grabbed   
her hand, pulling her outside and over the edge. She didn't have   
time to respond or protest as a monstrous wave caught hold of   
them and swept the boat over on its side. When the wave had   
passed she saw the boat several meters away lying upside down in   
the water.   
  
"What the hell?"  
  
"I realized as the Eva fell that the wave was much bigger than   
I thought," he explained as they floated in the warm water, "if we   
hadn't cut loose the ropes would have torn the boat apart and if   
we hadn't jumped we would be underwater right now."  
  
"Way to go Dummkopf, you could have killed us there."  
  
"I know," he apologized quietly, "Asuka I'm sorry I shouldn't   
have put you in danger like that."  
  
"Humph. I'll let that one slide. By the way, you want to tell me   
why you're holding on so tight?"  
  
"I... I can't swim," he said with a blush.   
  
"WHAT? You let me drag you out here without… YOU   
IDIOT!" she screamed at him. "If you ever do anything that   
dangerous again I'm going to kick your ass to the damn moon!   
Do you hear me Ikari?"  
  
"Yes ma'am," he said quietly.   
  
'Why the hell is he smiling?' she thought as they slowly swam   
toward the beach. 'What has he got to be so happy about?'  
  
Finally she got fed up with his silence and demanded an   
answer.   
  
"We were actually working together back there." He said, the   
smile never leaving his face.   
  
"Yeah... I guess all that synch training paid off with more than   
just one fight."  
  
"Hey Asuka... did you ever wonder what it would have been   
like if we weren't pilots? If we had just been regular kids?"  
  
"Well you would probably know how to swim for one thing…   
but jokes aside no I haven't. Eva has been such a huge part of my   
life for so long... to tell the truth living without it is a bit   
frightening."  
  
"I understand. We're both such heavy products of our   
upbringings though, I wonder what you would have been like   
without project E."  
  
"Well what do you think you would have been like?"  
  
"I think I would have been more like Touji and Kensuke... or   
somewhere between the two. Its hard to know for sure though, I   
have no idea what father would have been like if mother hadn't   
died."  
  
"So you would have been a little pervert like the other two   
stooges then?" she said with a grin.   
  
Shinji chuckled, then spit out some water that had gotten in his   
mouth, "Maybe... like I said it's hard to tell. I might have turned   
out an even bigger introvert than I am. I just don't know"  
  
"Maybe its better to concentrate on what is than what might   
have been," Asuka said softly as they climbed to the shore.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
They opted to compromise for the rest of the project. The   
actual pulling down of the MP Evas would be done from land (it   
took them weeks to collect enough rope and wire) they did   
however use another tugboat to pull the Evas outside the bay.   
They both agreed that it made things that much more scenic.   
  
Asuka's injuries were slowly clearing up. She was now   
wearing a sling on her arm but her eye had finally healed enough   
to where she no longer needed to keep it covered. That had   
produced a small crisis in itself. Whatever after effects the lance   
of Longinus had caused, it had resulted in the pigmentation of her   
eye fading to almost nothing. Her left eye was now pale pink. She   
could see fine, but the first time she had caught a look at it, she   
had wigged out, screaming how she was becoming 'the doll'.   
  
Shinji had finally calmed her down and told her it didn't   
matter and it might not be permanent. Then to both their surprise,   
he actually chewed her out, telling her that Ayanami was the   
closest thing he'd ever had to a sister and that he didn't think it   
was becoming of her to insult someone who couldn't argue back.   
A bit taken aback by Shinji's small outburst, and realizing that she   
had totally flown off the hook, she relaxed and started looking   
into finding some contact lenses. After few days passed however   
she soon stopped worrying about it, and Shinji was more or less   
sure she would completely forget it in time.   
  
It wasn't too long after that when Asuka began picking up on   
Shinji starting to say strange things. Stuff about how she wouldn't   
need his help much longer, and how things would be much   
quieter after that. It was almost as if he was implying he wouldn't   
be around.   
  
As stubborn as Asuka was it finally did sink in that he might   
be serious, and that began to hit her harder and harder each time   
he dropped a hint. She was realizing slowly that she didn't want   
him to leave. And it was just as frightening as the thought of his   
staying   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
"Comeon Soyru, don't be a coward," Asuka told herself for the   
tenth time that hour.   
  
She was pacing a circle in her room and muttering under her   
breath. Try as she might she couldn't work up the nerve to go   
outside and just say it. She had come to the conclusion that she   
had to do something to convince him to stay. After about half a   
second she settled on appealing to his hormones. About three   
seconds after that she realized what a hypocrite she would seem   
like if she tried it.   
  
On one hand it was perfectly logical; after all they were the   
only two people in the city, possibly the whole world. It made   
sense that they should at least make an effort to try to have more   
than a 'friends' relationship. In all honesty she had expected Shinji   
to suggest it, wasn't it normal for they boy to be the forward one   
with these things?   
  
Then again this was Shinji she was thinking about. For him   
taking the initiative was, to put it politely, rare. So the duty rested   
on her shoulders.   
  
So why was she so nervous?   
  
'Because you're afraid,' She thought to herself angrily.   
  
But of what?   
  
Of Shinji?   
  
The idea was almost laughable, he went so far out of his way   
not to hurt other people she sometimes had suspected him of   
being a masochist.   
  
No that wasn't it... it was the other side of her problem. The   
fact that she was afraid of being turned down.   
  
Of being rejected.   
  
Of being alone.   
  
God knew she had given him enough reason. She was afraid if   
she went out there and told him something like this he would   
think she was making fun of him and turn away.   
  
Like the time with the kiss.   
  
She had handled that poorly, she knew. What had he thought   
of her after that? She had run to the bathroom and hit the   
mouthwash so fast that she was sure he had been hurt... and she   
had meant it at the time. She had actually blamed him for the fact   
that she had begun to enjoy the kiss. How dumb had that been of   
her? Of all the stupid things to be angry with him about, that had   
to be close to the top of the list. She guessed she had been more   
angry with herself... she had felt as if she were betraying Kaji by   
enjoying the kiss of someone else.   
  
And then Kaji had... with Misato...   
  
"Why would he ever forgive me anyway-- he's right, all I ever   
did was make fun of him," she said as she leaned back against the   
wall. "I am such an idiot."  
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
Later that night she got up to get some of the bottled water   
they had found at the store when she heard a loud whimpering   
from Shinji's room. Curious, she slid the door open a bit and   
peeked in. he was tangled in his sheets and tossing about as if he   
were in pain.   
  
Seeing someone having a nightmare can touch even the most   
non- empathic of people, and Shinji had been having them almost   
every night since they had woken up. Asuka hurried in without   
thinking. His brow was soaked with sweat and his head turned   
every few seconds as he mumbled in his sleep.   
  
From the few phrases she could make out, she knew that there   
was no chance of the dream being anything less than horrifying.   
Kneeling beside his bed she placed a hand on his forehead, taking   
one of his hands in her other.   
  
She had hoped her presence would somehow calm him, but as   
she sat there his mumbling grew louder and clearer. Finally with a   
scream he practically flew awake.   
  
"FATHER NO!"  
  
This succeeded in frightening both of them silly.   
  
"Shinji! Calm down it was just a dream!" Asuka said- taking hold   
of his hand as he tried to scramble back.   
  
He finally seemed to see her and his breathing slowed slightly.   
And he gave her hand a small squeeze to acknowledge he had   
heard her.   
  
"Are you okay now?" she asked with genuine concern.   
  
"I don't think I'll ever be alright," He said quietly.   
  
"What kind of talk is that?"  
  
"I remember more of it now."  
  
"Remember what?"  
  
"Instrumentality."  
  
"Y-you mean third impact?"  
  
"Yeah. Get some sleep, I'll tell you in the morning..."  
  
"No need to wait, I don't think I could get back to sleep if I   
tried."  
  
"Alright... hey Asuka?"   
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
Over the next few hours he told her what he could explain   
from his strange experience in the eye of the storm that had been   
third impact. It was a bit of a shock to find out that some of the   
things she had though had been a fever dream from the pain had   
been real.   
  
"Are you saying that he did all that to be with your mom   
again?" Asuka asked in surprise.   
  
"As near as I can tell, yes. That was the impression I got."  
  
"But... what makes him think she could forgive what he did to   
you, me and Rei? Or all those other people he cast aside?"  
  
"I don't know... I don't know what he would have done; it's all   
like a whirlwind in my head, some things are clearer than others. I   
remember seeing you Rei and Misato, my mother and everyone   
else, I remember choosing to come back... but the rest is just bits   
and pieces. I may never understand the whole thing. Maybe my   
mind just isn't wired to handle all that information. I think I   
understand my father better now-- but... I still can't forgive him."  
  
'Everyone he knew has hurt him... even me,' She thought to   
herself, 'Why did he choose to come back? What gave him the   
courage to chose to come back to this? Could I have done the   
same?'  
  
[I don't want to die!]   
  
'I did do the same...' she realized with a start.   
  
"Asuka..." Shinji said hesitantly.   
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I don't know why no one else came back... while I was with   
Lilith someone told me that if they chose to that people could   
return from the LCL, but even if that wasn't a lie... I'm glad you're   
here."  
  
She didn't know what to say. She didn't know if she could say   
anything. He had just said something that had touched her so   
deeply that she was in a state of shock. What did he mean by that?   
Even if people did come back... he was still glad to be with her?   
But didn't he want to leave? What was he saying?   
  
She realized her hands were shaking.   
  
'Am I really that nervous?' she thought 'does it actually   
frighten me that he likes me despite everything I've done to him?'  
  
"Asuka? Are you ok?" Shinji said with a distinct waver in his   
voice.   
  
'You moron! Say something or he's going to think you're mad   
at him!' her inner voice screamed at her. 'He's giving you the   
chance you were to frightened to take!'  
  
But instead of opening her heart and telling him she wanted   
him to stay, she shouted out at him as she always had.   
  
"Of course I'm okay you idiot!"   
  
She tried to stop it from leaving her lips but she couldn't.   
Whether it was just conditioned reflex or fear she didn't know.   
She tried to stumble her way through an apology but before she   
could speak the dark look that had appeared on his face several   
times since the night on the beach came back. He gave a little nod   
of the head as if to indicate acceptance of something and then   
without a word he walked out the door   
  
"Asuka you dummkopf!" she said finally as she got up to go   
after him.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
She didn't find him in the apartment next door or on the roof.   
After checking the hill where they had placed the water tank a   
cold fear swept over her and she ran down the path to the beach.   
  
She saw him standing just past the edge of the water looking   
out in the bay. And in one terrible moment came to the conclusion   
that he was going to go out there and drown himself. Screaming   
protests at the top of her lungs she tore down the beach toward   
him.   
  
He heard her and looked up with a confused expression for a   
moment before looking back out. A cold chill spread throughout   
her as she doubled her pace.   
  
Whatever he might have been expecting, her slamming   
headlong into him had not even been on the list.   
  
Knocking them both over into the shallow tidewater Asuka   
quickly began dragging a soaked and sputtering Shinji away from   
the water.   
  
"Asuka!" he shouted as he spit and coughed the saltwater   
from his mouth, "what the hell are you doing?"  
  
He was about to yell some more when he saw her face. He had   
seen her get upset many times, but he had never seen her like this.   
  
Was this... fear?   
  
For him?   
  
As they reached the sand dunes, she finally let go and   
quickly began assaulting him with punches and kicks as she   
screamed at him never to do anything like that again.   
  
"hold- ow! Hey! _wait_ a second! ... what did I do?"   
he yelled-- cutting her off in honest confusion.   
  
"Don't play dumb with me Ikari, I'm not going to let you kill   
yourself over something stupid like that!" she shouted at him.   
  
"What?" he shouted as his eyes widened in surprise, "k-kill   
myself? What the hell makes you think I'd do that?"  
  
Seeing Asuka blush was a rare occurrence, and one that he   
had witnessed only a half dozen times. Seeing her stumble over   
words was something he had _never_ witnessed.   
  
"I... well... I saw you... and you said you can't swim... with you   
by the water and all... so I thought," she trailed off as her face   
took on a look he had never seen there before.   
  
Her voice dropped to a whisper and he couldn't hear what she   
said after that, but he brushed it off, intending to set the record   
straight before anything else happened.   
  
"I wasn't going to kill myself Asuka. And I have no intention   
of doing so. I didn't turn down what I did from Lilith to end it all   
like that."  
  
Her eyes closed and she let out a sigh of relief. He decided it   
was probably the best time to tell her the rest.   
  
"Your arm should be back up to speed in a week or two. Once   
that's done I'm going to leave."  
  
Her eyes opened and she gasped as her entire body tensed up.   
He had no idea how she was taking it, more than likely she was   
relived that she would no longer have to put up with him.   
  
Much to his surprise she began to get upset.   
  
"W-what?"  
  
"I'm going to go maybe as far as Okinawa... I dunno. You have   
enough food stocked to last a year, and enough seeds to start a   
garden of just about anything you'd ever want."  
  
"But... why?" she asked, her tone and face still unreadable   
  
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was it...   
  
"Because I can't keep going on like it is between us," he told   
her as she froze in place, "I can't keep living like this when every   
insult is like a knife in my gut. Every time you scream at me for   
just being nice is a turn of that knife... and it's tearing me apart. I   
don't know exactly when or why it happened but I care about you   
Asuka. I know I never said anything, probably because I was   
afraid you'd just laugh."  
  
Was it his imagination or was she trembling?   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
[Hmmm not much to look at] [You little pervert!] [Oh him? He's   
boring] [What are you stupid?] [Such a boring little boy] [Stupid   
Shinji] [Afraid to kiss a girl on the anniversary of you moms   
death? Is she watching you from up in heaven?] [That's because   
you kissed me you jerk] [He wouldn't know how to relate to   
another person if you gave him a manual] [I hate you! I hate   
everything!]   
  
It hit her all at once. A wave of insults that she had so casually   
thrown out over the months they had lived together. A burning   
wall of anger she'd placed in front of her to drive away anything   
that might hurt. A wall that kept anything that might help out as   
well. She saw in a painful crushing burst of insight how she must   
have seemed to everyone. How she must have seemed to Shinji.   
  
"S-Shinji... I," she started to say as the tears tried to come, "I...   
oh Gott I'm sorry!" she reached out and grasped his shirt with her   
free hand. She leaned up against him and looked in his eyes   
pleadingly.   
  
"Don't go, don't leave me alone," She said in a small voice. "It   
almost killed me when I saw you at the water and I thought...   
Shinji... please don't run away from me."  
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
Shinji's head was in a whirl. He resolved himself then and   
there never to assume again what was going on in her mind ever   
again. Her admission that she didn't want him to go had angered   
him for a moment, but just as quickly as it came it fled in the   
wake of memory. He thought back to his time spent trapped in   
Unit 01 and the similar imprisonment in the 12th angel. Most   
importantly he thought to his choice while inside Lilith. It had   
taken loosing everyone he cared for and almost loosing his life to   
realize their importance to him. Before that moment he had   
thought his own existence pointless, and had even craved death. It   
had been only at the last moment when he realized the truth and   
had fought his way back. The old saying was true after all, you   
never know what you have until its taken away.   
  
But it was those last words Asuka had spoken that struck him   
the hardest… he had been about to do just that.   
  
Run away... again.   
  
He was suddenly disgusted with himself, he should have   
realized long ago that the pain had been part of his choice. If he   
couldn't stand up to it then the entire choice, his choice to exist at   
all was for nothing.   
  
"Asuka," He said as he turned her face to his and looked her in   
the eyes, "If you want me to stay... I will."  
  
'I must be insane,' he thought privately.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
A thought floated up in her mind like a half-remembered   
dream.   
  
[If you want me... all you have to do is be nice to me]   
  
Was that something he had told her? Or something she   
imagined he had said? She couldn't remember... But it was   
definitely something he might have said   
  
"I don't mean to be such a bitch," She said softly, suddenly   
unable to look him in they eye.   
  
He was quit for a moment before he answered.   
  
"I don't think I've been behaving much better. I shouldn't   
ignore you like I have been."  
  
"What a pathetic couple we make..." she said looking down at   
the soft white sand, "Our parents did a spectacular job of making   
sure our social lives would suck."  
  
"Parents? Wait, what about..." Shinji started to say before   
realizing just how little he knew about Asuka's past.   
  
"That's not something I can talk about easily Shinji... I'll tell   
you another time. For now let's just say your father didn't have a   
monopoly on bad parenting skills."  
  
Shinji nodded then climbed to his feet and helped Asuka do   
the same.   
  
"I know we don't get along well most the time Asuka," he   
said, "but I am willing to try if you are."  
  
"Stranger things have happened."  
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
Three days later at Asuka's request they made their way up to   
the foothills where Shinji had once spend days wandering after   
his battle with the fourth angel. They walked for hours before   
they finally passed the bus stop that was one of the few landmarks   
Shinji remembered from his long ago trip.  
  
As they took a break beside a small stream, Shinji looked over   
at her and spoke up. "I don't know if it's still going to be there   
Asuka."  
  
"I know... it might have been destroyed in the blast. But...   
please, I need this."  
  
"I don't mind, I just wanted to warn you," he said reaching out   
and giving her hand a squeeze.   
  
She looked down at his hand and decided it wasn't worth   
another fight. He was only trying to comfort her. Even a week ago   
she would have slapped him for the contact, habit was not   
something that was broken easily. But now she was starting to   
understand him a little better and was fractionally less prone to   
throwing fits.   
  
They soon resumed their hike and a few hours later came to   
their destination. It was a cliff over looking an entire   
mountainside of terraces! They stretched all across the side of the   
cliffs and around. Asuka was left speechless as she looked out at   
the mist-covered hills surrounding her. She 'd never known   
something this beautiful had existed anywhere near Tokyo Three.   
Back during the war, she might not have cared, but now it was all   
she could do to take it all in.  
  
Asuka knelt beside the garden and slipped her backpack off as   
Shinji watched silently. She reached inside the pack and removed   
several items including two dozen wooden boards, and a torn and   
battered photograph of Misato Ritsuko and Kaji back in collage.   
Placing the photo aside for the moment, she began setting up what   
soon took the form of a small shrine and placed the various items   
inside. Finally she took the photo and set it inside and shut the   
door on the front of the newly constructed shrine.   
  
"I will always remember you, Kaji..." she whispered, "rest in   
peace with those who you loved and who loved you."  
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
They camped by a nearby pond that night. Rolling clouds let   
the moon shine through in places, creating dramatic beams of   
moonlight. It was fascinating to watch the light play off the sides   
and the remaining buildings.   
  
After hours of silence Asuka spoke up as they ate their dinner,   
"Thank you Shinji... I needed to do that."  
  
"Your welcome, Asuka," he said somewhat distantly.   
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I... I miss Misato," Shinji said softly.   
  
Asuka watched him for awhile and thought about that. He was   
lonely, that much was obvious. She knew the feeling far to well to   
mistake it. The question was; what could she do? Would he take   
any offer for comfort seriously? Lord knew she had taunted him   
enough to make him doubt her honesty.   
  
Perhaps it would be best if she mended one of the more   
obvious bridges she had tried to burn over their time together.   
  
She stood and walked over to him, then knelt down beside   
where he sat. Fighting to remain calm, she tapped him on the   
shoulder to get his attention. He looked up at her and she took a   
deep breath before leaning in to kiss him.   
  
It didn't go as planned.   
  
Shinji's reflexes and mindset concerning Asuka had long   
become accustomed to ducking thwaps on the head and slaps to   
the face. The unexpected movement towards him from her   
triggered these reflexes and he instinctively jumped backwards to   
dodge what he mistook to be an attack.   
  
Asuka began to blush furiously as she turned away, and   
Shinji's mind began to twist and turn as he attempted to figure out   
what the hell had just happened.   
  
"Asuka?" he asked, his tone betraying his utter confusion.   
  
"I'm sorry," she said "I was just trying to..." her voice trailed   
off as she got up and walked back to where they were camped.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
Was she trying to kiss me?   
  
Why did she do that?   
  
Why did I freak out?   
  
Well the last one was easier to answer, but as he realized that   
she had honestly been trying to kiss him he wanted to slap   
himself for his reaction.   
  
'But what can I do?' He thought as he watched her sit down   
beside the tent. 'I don't even begin to understand her. What if I did   
something wrong? What if I-'  
  
"Oh _enough_ of this already," He said aloud as he climbed to   
his feet.   
  
As he made his way to where she sat, an amusing memory   
came to mind. Smiling, he locked the image in his mind's eye,   
took a deep breath, released it and muttered under his breath.   
  
"Target the center... pull the switch."  
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
"Hey Asuka," He said just loud enough to catch her attention,   
"wanna kiss me?"   
  
"Huh?" she said almost flinching at his voice.  
  
"Kissing. You know, have you done it?" He continued as he   
tried to fight back the laughter that was threatening to break his   
concentration.   
  
She gave him a look that was part confusion, part annoyance   
and part thankfulness. Shaking her head as if she couldn't believe   
he would possibly do something like this-- but too amused by his   
move to stop him-- she decided to play along.   
  
"Nuh-uh," She said as she held back a storm of laughter   
herself.   
  
"What's the matter?" Shinji asked playfully, "are you scared?"  
  
"I'm not afraid, pucker up!" she managed to get through   
despite the giggles.   
  
"Did you brush your teeth?" he asked in mock seriousness.   
  
That did it.   
  
They couldn't stop it any longer. Both of them erupted into   
laughter. For almost ten minutes they bot lay there on the ground   
giggling and snickering like a couple of fifteen year olds.  
  
Finally when they managed to catch their breath they lay there   
beside one another still grinning at the treetops.   
  
"I can't believe I actually said that," Asuka said after awhile. "I   
must have sounded like such a little snot that day."  
  
"Its ok, I must have looked like a scared rabbit."  
  
"Don't worry about it... hey, were you serious just now?"  
  
"If you promise not to hold my nose, yeah."  
  
"Dummkopf," she said with a smile "I promise if you can keep   
your breath from tickling me."  
  
"That's absolutely fair enough," Shinji said as he rolled up to a   
sitting position. Asuka did likewise and for a moment they looked   
at one another with a combination of fear and longing.   
  
Finally Shinji leaned in and their lips met.   
  
Neither of them would ever remember just how long they had   
stayed like that. When they finally broke they both sat there   
looking at one another and breathing heavily. Both of them would   
have been shocked to know they were thinking the same thought.   
  
'Where the hell did he/she learn to do THAT?'   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
The next day as they made their way back to the apartment,   
Shinji began to think about what it would take for Asuka and he   
to tolerate one another long enough for any romance to even   
begin. He knew as well as she did just how difficult it was to get   
around the wall they had built between them over their time   
together. To add to the problem they still knew virtually nothing   
about one another despite all their time together.   
  
He decided to take the first step to solve that.   
  
"When I was five," he started to say as they walked down the   
road, "after my mom was taken into Eva... my father fostered me   
out to my Uncle. I didn't mind at first, father had been angry and   
very touchy after that day and I was grateful for a chance to be   
away from that... but after awhile I began to miss him. I only saw   
him once a year when my Uncle would take me to Mother's   
grave. Even then he was cold and harsh, like anything that might   
have once mattered to him was gone forever... and in a way I   
suppose it was. The next few years I began to grow angry because   
I felt he wanted to be rid of me, that he didn't want me at all, and   
every time we met he would barely even acknowledge my   
existence. Finally one year I couldn't take it any more and I   
turned and ran from him-- telling him I never wanted to see him   
again. That was just over three years ago."   
  
"Did he ever write or anything?" Asuka asked after a short   
silence.   
  
"No... the only contact I had with him after that was the   
package in the mail and the phone call for me to report to Tokyo   
3. When I arrived the third angel was attacking and they took me   
straight to the Geofront. When I saw my father again... and I   
realized the only reason he called me back was to pilot the Eva I   
turned away. I would have left then and there if they hadn't   
brought Rei out on the stretcher. You heard about the incident   
with unit 00? She was so badly injured that she couldn't even   
stand up. A blast shook the Geofront and knocked us all around,   
spilling Rei on the floor. I ran over and saw how badly she was   
hurt... And told them I would pilot. They had to shame me into   
the damned thing."  
  
Asuka watched him speak in silence. She had only known bits   
and pieces of these events, and none of what had convinced him   
to pilot.   
  
"I never wanted to do it Asuka... every time I climbed into   
that... that thing it seemed like someone was getting hurt, either   
me or Rei or my friends or even you... it was tearing me apart and   
I couldn't stop it. I was afraid for myself as well... all the times I   
was hurt, all the pain... it all just kept adding up. I don't know if   
that's normal or just cowardly, but I was terrified of the pain."   
  
"Why are you telling me this?"  
  
"Because I want you to understand what it was like for me...   
I'm not trying to make excuses though, I know how I acted most   
of the time and I am ashamed."  
  
"Ashamed of what? You were a damn good pilot when you   
actually got your ass in gear."  
  
"How much do you know about what happened just after the   
fourth angel?"  
  
"Not much, just that you almost left Nerv."  
  
"I ran away."  
  
" . . . "  
  
"I spent a couple of days just wandering the city and the   
countryside before Section Two found me-- not to far from where   
we camped last night, actually. I still almost left... I would have if   
Touji and Kensuke hadn't shown up at the train station. I think I   
realized that, for the first time I could remember, I had people   
who cared about me, that I had friends... and with Misato   
something like a family. For the first time in my life I felt like I   
had a real home."  
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
Asuka thought about that for the rest of their trip back. Once   
they were home and cleaned, she went out and found him on the   
balcony. He was sitting on one of the patio chairs with his SDAT   
playing and watching the sky as the sunset faded.   
  
She sat down on the chair beside him and waited for him to   
come out of his thoughts. Finally the tape ended and he blinked   
his eyes as he woke up from whatever meditations he had been in.   
  
"Oh, good evening Asuka, I didn't see you come outside," he   
said with a smile.   
  
She was struck then by just how handsome he was going to be   
when he grew older. Knowing what she did now about Rei and   
Yui Ikari, she could see the resemblance clearly. He had his   
mother's eyes. His father's features were there as well but their   
harshness was tempered by Shinji's own gentle nature. She, for   
what might have been the first time, saw the man hiding within   
the boy.   
  
She reached out and took his hand, noticing with relief that he   
didn't shrink back from her touch this time. Instead he hesitated a   
moment before returning her gentle grip.   
  
She wasn't able to begin right away, she had spent so much   
time and effort forgetting these things that just remembering them   
was painful. But after several false starts she finally began to tell   
Shinji about her own mother and what had happened after the   
experiment with Unit 02. As she reached the end the tears began   
to flow freely and for the first time since she was a small child…   
she let them come without fighting them off.   
  
Shinji slowly reached out to her and pulled her closer. It   
surprised her that it felt good to accept his comfort. It had been   
something she had actually feared for a long time. She realized   
that it was because he didn't merely pity her, he honestly   
understood her pain, and wanted to take some of it away if she   
would let him.   
  
They sat there for almost an hour just holding one another;   
neither wanting to break whatever spell had finally allowed them   
to finally connect so deeply.   
  
Finally, both of them physically and mentally exhausted, they   
fell asleep.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
She awoke in the middle of the night to find herself still   
wrapped in Shinji's arms. She was so comfortable that she forgot   
all about yelling at him for touching her. Instead she snuggled up   
closer to him, placing her head against his chest, sharing his   
warmth. She looked up at his face where a gentle smile had taken   
resident.   
  
After almost two months of nightmares he seemed to finally be   
sleeping in peace. She wondered if it was because of her,   
although even as she thought that she knew it was a conceited   
idea.   
  
As she pondered this she realized how long it had been since   
they'd had an argument. It had been several days at least. Several   
days without hurting one another, without the anger and fear.   
  
Was this real? Had they both changed so much?   
  
It was possible... people were known to sometimes change   
after traumatic events, her own mother had gone from a loving   
and giving woman to an uncaring suicidal psychopath after her   
accident. Who was to say that a change for the better was   
impossible?   
  
Even weeks ago she would have never pictured the two of   
them like this. Now as she lay there feeling the heat from his body   
she was angry with herself for avoiding this type of closeness for   
so long. How much easier would everything have been had they   
bonded like this from the beginning? What would it have all been   
like? How much pain and misery would have been avoided?   
  
As she thought of these things her hands involuntarily   
clenched tighter on Shinji's clothes, causing him to stir from his   
slumber. After a moment's disorientation, he relaxed and looked   
down at Asuka who was wearing an expression of deep thought.   
  
"A yen for your thoughts?" he asked, surprising her by being   
awake.   
  
"I thought the line was 'penny'?"   
  
"True, but I have no idea what the exchange rate would be...   
not that it even maters anymore. But seriously, what were you   
thinking about? You seemed a bit upset."  
  
"I was wondering how things would have turned out if we had   
put all this crap behind us sooner."  
  
"Asuka... you said this before, but there's no point in worrying   
about 'what ifs'. Doing that will only hurt in the long run.   
Wondering 'what if I had done this' or 'if I had said that'. Regrets   
like that can drive you to the edge, then so far past it you feel like   
there's no way back. We both screwed up a lot, we all did... but   
obsessing about it will accomplish nothing."  
  
"You should have been a shrink," Asuka said with a laugh.   
  
"What's a 'shrink'?"  
  
"Oh, sorry, its American slang for a psychiatrist, I think the   
term came from someone calling them witch doctors and head-  
shrinkers or something like that."  
  
"Oh... well I was just speaking from experience. Hey, can I ask   
you something?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"What's happening here? I mean with us? Don't take this the   
wrong way, but not too long ago I would have laughed if   
someone had told me we would have ever been sitting here like   
this. I do enjoy it, don't misunderstand... its just that... for   
example; I keep looking down and seeing this devastatingly   
gorgeous redhead I want to kiss right now, but I'm afraid its not   
welcome because she's always yelled at me for so much as   
touching her in the past. I know how dumb this sounds, but it's   
how I feel."  
  
She looked into his eyes and sighed. 'This is what I get for   
picking on him so much, isn't it?' she thought sourly.   
  
"Ikari, you shouldn't be so timid, you can kiss me if you want   
to," She told him as she leaned in and taught by example.   
  
Somewhere during the kiss they both lost any sense of time.   
  
  
[]====[]   
[]====[]   
  
  
Time passed and the two grew even closer.   
  
One morning at sunrise, Shinji climbed out of bed and walked   
to the balcony. He did this most mornings; it was becoming a   
routine. Asuka had come to expect it, and most of the time; ignore   
it. She was still sound asleep when he stepped out of their room   
and up to the rail to look out at the bay that had once been Tokyo   
3.   
  
Awhile later as he looked out at the mist covered landscape   
beyond he heard movement from within the apartment. Smiling   
he turned to find Asuka walking up and wrapping the blanket that   
mostly covered her around him as well as she lay her head against   
his arm.   
  
As they watched the sunrise in the distance Asuka placed a   
hand over her stomach. She knew she ought to tell him before the   
changes became too visible. It was funny, for so long she had   
been disgusted by the idea of ever having children, now the idea   
was filling her with a sense of excitement. She would tell him in a   
few days, for now she needed to think. Her mother hadn't always   
been the way she was after her accident, and Asuka was slowly   
remembering the kind woman who she had once been.   
  
Shinji on the other hand had finally come to terms with his   
father in an unusual but interesting fashion. Not to far from where   
his mother's grave lay, there was a fresh marker bearing the name   
Gendou Rokubungi. Unconventional, perhaps. But Shinji had   
taken a great amount of satisfaction in the act of stripping his   
mother's name from the man. It was a strangely fitting   
punishment for the long list of betrayals.   
  
They still had their arguments, but slowly that was happening   
less often. Their fights never lasted long, and they were learning   
more about one another each day. Twice a month they made their   
way down to Kaji's shrine where they tended the rapidly growing   
gardens that they had planted there. They were forging a life   
together, and it was good.   
  
For theirs' was not the story of the end, but that of the new   
beginning.   
  
  
[]================[]   
Fin   
[]================[]   
  
  
Authors incoherent babbling   
  
  
welcome to the second draft of Wake!  
  
I dont have much to add this time around so I'm keeping most of  
the origonal notes. Wake was my second fanfiction, and I'm still   
proud of it. I've probably gotten more Email on this fic than any   
other. (in a way that's depressing since Moonlight Sonata has   
always been the favrorite amungst my fics ^_^) I'm glad so many   
people have enjoyed it, and I hope they enjoy the second draft   
even more.  
  
The first time around there were serious gramar problems,   
formating glitches, continuality errors and a few other screw ups.   
With a bit of luck I've found and eliminated most of these, and this  
ought to be the difinitave draft of this fanfiction. Hope y'all come  
back for more ^_^  
  
origonal notes:  
  
They will never be the perfect couple in the traditional sense,   
but in their own way I see Asuka and Shinji as a very good match.   
I think that those two need each other more than either would   
admit (particularly Asuka). I know some of you out there do   
prefer the Rei / Shinji pair up, and it does have its strong points,   
but it has its flaws as well. (Mostly concerning *what* Rei is) I   
do enjoy Rei / Shinji stories, and am just as much a fan of Rei as I   
am of Asuka, but the whole DNA of his mom thing creeps me out   
too much for me to fully support the match. Please understand   
that I mean no disrespect... and please don't launch those mail-  
bombs. ^_^   
  
Those fans of Shinji sans-spine might not care for this, but I   
don't see him lasting more than an hour without one given the   
company he will be keeping. Plus if everything he went through   
didn't help him grow one then I don't know what would. As a   
certain cowled individual once said, "He is just one strong   
moment from making sense of it all" (granted; Bats was talking   
about a gal but it was close enough for the paraphrasing)  
  
After I wrote most of this I ran across a fic called "the one I   
love is" and I think the author of that story put the reasons for the   
Asuka / Shinji match best. And those reasons include the fact that   
they compliment one another. She can drive him to come out of   
his shell and be more of a man, and he can open her heart and   
show her that needing others and loving others is not a weakness.   
It's a yin /yang thing I suppose. And as I tried to say in here, after   
what they went through I am sure both of them were changed   
dramatically. The last words Asuka said in End of Evangelion are   
"Kimouchi warui" and there are about 4 different opinions on just   
what the phrase means. I chose to interpret her has being annoyed   
with Shinji and saying basically that they way he acts makes her   
sick. Other than that I made some of the interpretations Shinji had   
of Instrumentality vague and confused, because... hell they   
probably would be. Most of the audience knew more than Shinji   
did and a lot of THEM are still confused about exactly what   
happened. (And no I don't pretend full to have comprehension if   
it all)   
  
The whole Asuka and Shinji after impact thing has been done   
several times. I did notice when reading some of them that they   
tended to portray the area as a jungle, or a wasteland despite the   
fact that several buildings could be seen in the distance. Btw, the   
idea that Misato's apartment survived is a thin chance, but a   
possible one when you look at the sketches in the Newtype 100%   
book. It all depends on which directing those hills are facing ^_^  
  
Hopefully I've been able to add something new to a category   
that is filling fast. I just want to assure the readers out there that I   
did not intently copy anyone else's work. Any similarities are a   
coincidence.   
  
Oh and for all those hentai out there (you know who you are)   
yes there is a lemon out-take from this story ^_^ its called   
WATER HAZARD   
  
Hope this was a fun read, and any CC is welcome send it to   
hotwire1@airmail.net if you have something to point out.   
  
Anyway, I'm out   
  
Hotwire   
Chain Lightning Studios  
http://www.chainlightningstudios.com  
  
  



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